| . o O ~ I'm not good or real. I'm evil...and imaginary ~ O o . |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
|
| I haven't in a while |
[13 Sep 2009|01:00am] |
Red lights are flashing on the highway
I wonder if we're gonna ever get home
I wonder if we're gonna ever get home tonight
Everywhere the waters getting rough
Your best intentions may not be enough
I wonder if we're gonna ever get home tonight
But if you brake down
I'll drive out and find you
If you forget my love
I'll try to remind you
And stay by you when it don't come easy
I don't know nothing except change will come
Year after year what we do is undone
Time keeps moving from a crawl to a run
I wonder if we're gonna ever get home
You're out there walking down a highway
And all of the signs got blown away
Sometimes you wonder if you're walking in the wrong direction
But if you brake down
I'll drive out and find you
If you forget my love
I'll try to remind you
And stay by you when it don't come easy
So many things that I had before
That don't matter to me now
Tonight I cry for the love that I've lost
And the love I've never found
When the last bird falls
And the last siren sounds
Someone will say what's been said before
Some love we were looking for
But if you brake down
I'll drive out and find you
If you forget my love
I'll try to remind you
And stay by you when it don't come easy
|
|
|
[31 Mar 2008|07:17pm] |
|
What would I spend my time doing if I stopped hating you every moment of the day?
|
|
| A Year |
[30 Dec 2007|11:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lethargic |
] |
I haven't updated in over a year. I don't know why I'm choosing to do so now. I'm thinking it has something to do with the fact that I have been bored for the past few days. School is out until Wednesday. I have the pleasure of attending an all day professional development conference at my school (six hours bitches!). I actually miss my little freshmen. I'm looking forward to going to school on Thursday and hearing about all the things they did on their vacation.
Diesel has something growing on his ear. I'm going to call the vet tomorrow and see what he wants to do. Last Friday he said that if it grew any bigger by next Friday, he was going to recommend that it be removed. It looks like Diesel doesn't feel like waiting that long and has encouraged it to grow exponentially in three days. Ashley said that he was doing this to get back at me for getting another dog. I would never put it past a member of my family to get sick to gain attention. Not for a second.
Speaking of the new dog, her name is Delila. I got her a few weeks ago from the SPCA. So far she has chewed a remote and dug two holes underneath the fence. I love her despite these issues. Diesel has been an exceptional big brother and she follows him around the house. The cutest thing about their relationship is the fact that she wants to be next to him at all times, but he can't stand to have her sleeping next to him. As a result, when he lays down, she lays down next to him. Then, he moves somewhere else and she follows shortly after. This game continues for approximately an hour until one of them gets too tired to either run or pursue. She also enjoys biting his legs and licking his nose, eyes, ears and teeth. She also enjoys putting a paw on my arm and once she gets my attention, she lays down on her back so I can scratch her stomach.
My life was so different a year ago. Exponentially so. I'm starting Graduate School at USF next week. Maybe a year from today I'll update again to see how I have changed further.
This is a poem I wrote for my Freshmen while we were talking about symbolism. We had discussed two poems that involved cloud symbolism, so I wrote a poem called "clouds." It makes me smile.
The storm is in the air tonight,
I can hear the clouds shifting,
Drifting until they have centered themselves
Over my head
I sense the space between the clouds.
As one leaves, it drags and pulls
While its successor pushes me to move.
Pushes to where it wants me to be
But clouds don’t ask questions.
And clouds don’t get personal.
Yet clouds use precision.
And float over their obstacles.
Clouds won’t get the best of me
Even though they make me suffer.
Perseverance is in my nature; Plus
They’re too far to see what I offer.
|
|
| Pam's Holiday Email |
[24 Dec 2006|11:48pm] |
Hi Dave,
Okay, so obviously this Christmas is a hard one for me, weird and awkward but ok I guess.
I suppose it is somewhat similar for you but for slightly different reasons; hope it helps to have Nana and your uncles around.
You’ll just have to forgive me if I’m behaving a bit weird while I adjust to you being 1000 fucking miles away for the foreseeable future!
I am very happy for you, too, even while I feel sad for myself.
And I am mad that you have created a life for yourself even though your ENTIRE upbringing had this result as its goal-- go figure!
So if I act weird right now just cut me some slack and I’ll be fine, uh, eventually.
And I want you to know how proud I am of you, today and always
Merry Christmas-- have fun!
Love,
Mom
|
|
| Who said anything about that? |
[10 Aug 2006|02:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 amused |
] |
I've driven round in circles for three hours
It was bound to happen that I'd end up at yours
I temporarily forgot there's better days to come
I thought that I would give it just one more chance
Cos' I want, tonight, what I've been waiting for
But I found, tonight, what I'd been warned about
You think you are complicated,
Deep mystery to all,
Well it’s taken me a while to see,
You’re not so special.
All energy, no meaning,
With a lot of words,
So paper thin that one real feeling,
Could knock you down.
And I've seen, tonight, what I'd been warned about
I'm gonna leave, tonight, before I change my mind
So see you when you’re forty,
Lost and all alone,
Being comforted by strangers,
you'll never need to know,
Not sad because you lost me,
But sad because you thought it was cool,
To be sad.
You think misery will make you stand apart from the crowd.
If you had walked past me today,
I wouldn’t have picked you out,
I wouldn’t have picked you out,
Wouldn’t have picked you out.
Now I’ve seen tonight,
How could I waste my time?
And I’ll be on my way,
And I won’t be back,
Cuz I’ve seen tonight,
What I’ve been warned about,
You’re just a boy, not a man; and I’m not coming back,
And I’m not coming back,
What I've been warned about.
|
|
| FURIOUS |
[11 Apr 2006|09:43pm] |
|
I can put up with a lot. Being neglected by friends. Family forgetting my birthday. Even being bitched at by people I don't even know. But when someone steals my away message, that's a line you just don't cross!
|
|
|
[14 Mar 2006|12:14am] |
|
Just when you thought no one was watching...they go and surprise you...
|
|
| Cait's Away Message |
[07 Mar 2006|01:01am] |
"currently making a cake for david while he brings me taco bell - of course knowing what i want without asking. this is how love should be...;-)"
Oh and we're married on facebook.
|
|
| Caged Wisdom |
[20 Feb 2006|07:27am] |
I'm about to spend the next 8 hours as a cashier. Next to people who will probably drive me crazy. I have a mid-term at 6 for a class I haven't been to in three weeks. We'll see how that goes.
By this time next week I'll be on a boat, in the Caribbean, where I can forget my entire life here. There is so little worth remembering. Only a few people. Few.
Last night I had to go to bed with a living room full of people laughing. Responsibilities suck.
I hate it when other people are better friends to me when there is an audience. Like they are performing or something. Frankly, I'm no one's puppet to show off with.
|
|
| On Singles Awareness Day |
[14 Feb 2006|02:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
Today is the day about love. About having love, missing love, lacking love, wanting love, needing love, hating love, rejecting love, regretting love, welcoming love. As a society, we have taken all of our issues with love and forced them to cohabitate on a hallmark holiday. Valentines day. Despite the aforementioned categories, we all usually fall into between two extremes; those who have love, and those who do not. Those who have love will either celebrate in a most outrageous way involving candies, or flowers. Maybe even dancing or a night out at a ridiculously expensive restaurant.
No matter how “valentines” choose to celebrate, they do so to announce to everyone “you see me?! I’m in love with this person, and isn’t that great?!” And for them, it is. What is better than being in love? Almost next to nothing. At the moment, the only thing I could imagine better than a day about love would be a day about sex. Lovers would exchange chocolate formed penises and vaginas. Instead of the customary bouquet of roses, a man would offer his companion a box of condoms, or perhaps a new diaphragm.
Unfortunately, for those who are lacking in the love department, the day is spent doing somewhat less stimulating activities. People who are alone on valentines day may take three routes. The first is to be bitter, to reject love and those who are consumed in it. While this may be the most anti-social route a person can take, it has the potential of being the most entertaining. The second is to be happy for those who are in love, in the hope that one day you can be a part of their elitist group. This is obviously the most optimistic (or most likely to be described as ‘bullshit’) and therefore, the most likely to induce vomiting. The third option is to ignore the day completely. Keep the radio turned off, don’t watch television. Possibly call into work and spend the day in bed.
As a person who is without love this year, I would have to say I’m caught in the middle of all three options. I truly have no desire to witness any marriage proposals, car door openings, flower giving, smooching or admiration of any kind. I am genuinely happy for those people in my life who do have love (which the number seems to be steadily increasing), or at least those who have some idea of where they can find it. Lastly, nothing would make me happier than to spend the day in my pajamas in bed, sleeping away the memories of any day which celebrates what I so obviously do not have.
I’m not angry that I haven’t found love, I’m sad that love hasn’t found me. It has been my experience that when you look for love, it eludes you. Therefore you must play hard-to-get and make love come to you. Let me speak for myself when I say that no one plays hard-to-get better than I. So where is my love? Has it forgotten about me? I know I’ve moved a lot in the past four years, but couldn’t it have just asked for my new address? Did I miss it? Was it right in front of me? There is a part of me that refuses to think in such dramatic terms, but there is also a part that takes it very seriously.
I know that one day I will fall in love again, and it will be amazing. Until then, I suppose I’ll stand around, and smell the roses.
|
|
| 2006 |
[01 Jan 2006|11:15am] |
"I just spilled beer on myself because I forgot I was holding a bottle. I would have to say that I am pretty drunk and I have been since about 9:30."
That was my New Year's away message that I wrote around 2am. I would have to say that I had a good time.
|
|
|
[18 Dec 2005|09:05pm] |
List seven songs you are into right now: No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your LJ along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.
1. Madonna - Hung Up: I listen to this song over and over. It is now my ringtone. I haven't heard a song this catchy in a loooong time. I'm not sick of it yet and I've had it in heavy rotation for over a month.
2. Jem - Finally Woken: I'm so glad I discovered Jem. She has the perfect combination of great lyrics and great music. This song in particular blends together and becomes something entirely unique.
3. Mariah Carey - All I Want For Christmas Is You: The classic christmas song. How can anyone NOT be in the christmas spirit when they hear this song?
4. Sophie B. Hawkins - Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover: An old favorite, everyone always sings along.
5. Gwen Stefani - Luxurious: My relationship with Gwen Stefani is rather odd. I hate all of her songs the first time I hear them, but after a second time I can't stop singing them. I hated this when I heard it on her CD and skipped over it everytime I listened to the CD. Now I walk around humming it.
6. Tyler Hilton - Insomnia: One of the saddest songs I have ever heard.
7. Sheryl Crow - Good Is Good: I had to put Sheryl in here somewhere. The fam and I will be seeing her in January! HOLLA!
TAG: Leah, Amanda and Ashley.
|
|
| All Change is good change? |
[13 Dec 2005|11:08pm] |
Well it is finally happening. I would say that I am half moved out. It feels odd to look around my room and see things missing. My closet is empty, which is something that hasn't happened since summer 2004. Friday will be the big moving day. I'm going to rent a uhaul and move my couches, bed, desk, etc. It will feel so odd to sleep in a new house. On top of everything I'm going to be ALONE in the house till Caitlin moves in. I haven't slept alone like that in forever! At least I have Diesel to keep me safe.
Speaking of Diesel, he does not like change. He likes to sleep in the same places, shit in the same places, etc. He doesn't like when I clean my room, or when I am too active in the room. It makes him nervous. He's probably going to flip out being in a new place. I feel bad because he doesn't know what's coming. He'll probably forget to say goodbye to Charlie (his best friend). That is until they have a play date, which I'm sure they will need to have from time to time.
Overall I would have to say that my time spent in the house has been good. I've met a lot of people that I don't think I would meet ordinarily. Coming out of the dorms, I was in a certain mindset and I think the house has turned that upside down and inside out. I'm not the same person I was and I'm grateful for that. I'm going to miss the people here. There isn't a single one I wouldn't consider a friend or even want to live with again. I'm going to miss all the random moments that seem to happen. There is always something going on, and it is usually hilarious. Finally I'm going to miss Scooter. He's a cute little cat and he makes me miss my own kitties at home. Awww.
In non-moving news I ordered a new cell phone today. FUCK NEXTEL!! My whole family is getting T-Mobile and we all got free Razr phones since I work at the Depot. Since my mom, sister and I will be sharing a family plan, it will work out to be around $25 a month, which is a HUGE difference from my usual $61 phone bill. I just hope I have amazing service.
OK I need to be up in 5 hours...I'll be singing this song in my sleep...soooo good!
( Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover )
|
|
| Memories |
[28 Nov 2005|04:52pm] |
I was looking through old LJ's and I found this one. At this time I was still in the dorms, living with a horrible roommate.
I just came back from work and what do I find in the bathroom? My lotion bottle is out of place on the edge of the sink, and the "pump-top" is unscrewed. Reasons why I have a problem with this:
1. Why is he using my lotion?
2. If he is using it, why can't he be more clever about it?
3. For what purpose is he using the lotion, to where the quantity of lotion the pump provides isn't sufficient, and therefore he must remove the top and have a "heaping" amount of lotion.
Yes I thought so.
|
|
|
[13 Nov 2005|11:04pm] |
- Whenever I have to use the bathroom there is someone in there. Always.
- I've wasted another Sunday. Much like the past 3.
- I'm so sick of dumbass roommates. Well really only one pisses me off at this point. 6/7 isn't bad.
- School needs to end. Fast.
- The Christmas Party is going to blow. Big time.
- Yesterday my supervisor asked me if I wanted to quit and open up a daycare with her. I seriously considered it for a bit.
- Home Depot owes me almost $800 in back pay.
- I listen to the new Madonna cd on MTV.com everyday. In a word: amazing.
|
|
| Kinda drunk |
[13 Nov 2005|12:41am] |
|
It's like this; list 35 facts about you. Doesn't matter what it's about as long as it's the truth.
( My 35 Facts )
|
|
| Rantings of a poor college student |
[11 Nov 2005|10:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
How can people party so much? I know people who spend their entire weekend partying and getting drunk. Then they spend Mon-Thurs recovering from their weekend so they can do it all over again. I am a firm believer in having fun but holy shit that seems excessive. I may work a lot and be stressed with school shit but at least I'm not wasting my life, my liver and my money on alcohol. That's ridiculous.
I am so poor. My stupid insurance was due today and that zapped up most of my checking account. Then I went food shopping and spent $60 which sucked up the rest of my account. I called my mom and vented about all the shit that's been happening lately. I told her how I hate school, that work sucks and it seems like I never have time to do anything. On top of being broke, generally my life is one big pile of shit. She did her standard mom duty of telling me everything would be alright and that she would tell my dad to give me some money. Twenty minutes later my dad called and asked how much I needed. I felt really bad asking him for money because I work really hard to be independent. He said that I shouldn't feel bad about asking for anything when I get into these situations and that he would always help me out, which is nice. I was a little shocked that he said that, it is usually out of his nature.
The Home Depot Non-denominational Winterfest Party is going to blow this year. So far we've almost decided not to have a theme, we've scrapped our decorations and probably won't have any entertainment. There is so much bitching around this party and so few people who are actually helping (the count is 3 out of 130) that it doesn't seem worth it for me to work my ass off for it. Its such a thankless job. Last year I think the only people who thanked us were the managers. Then the whole EOC committee is pissing me off too. The woman who gave me shit about making my Bulletin board said it looked really nice. That was probably in her best interest. I also have the pleasure of closing the night before Thanksgiving and going in at 9:30 the day after. How wonderful.
I have 6 books to read in 3 weeks. Plus a paper or 2 to write and a portfolio to whip up. The next few weeks are going to be a blur. All leading up to moving, which should be something stressful all in its own right.
|
|
| So much to say |
[30 Oct 2005|09:26pm] |
I haven't updated in SOO long! So much has been happening. This whole go to school/work 36 hours/try to sleep thing has gotten really old. I told the depot that I would only work 4 days a week till the end of the semester. I'm also on a billion different committees and shit. I'm planning the Christmas party (again) with Caitlin and the rest of last year's team.
Speaking of Caitlin, WE'RE MOVING IN TOGETHER!! Yes, you heard it right! I'm moving out of this house! Lately it has really been getting on my nerves and I can't handle it right now. As I'm typing this my subleaser is moving in. We found a great house to move into. It's kind of in the woods, away from the road. There is lots of room for Diesel to roam, a huge living room and kitchen, a large basement, everything! I'm sooo looking forward to having an adult house. Where I can bring people and not feel embarrassed. One where I can go into the kitchen and know I will be able to find a clean bowl/spoon/fork/plate. So much will be happening in the next month!
|
|
|
[17 Oct 2005|12:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
leftfootforward's journal
